Why am I waiting here like a fish?

This was the question McKenzie asked when I took too long to get ready for soccer practice.

Do fish wait for anything? For anyone?

Cat's first bath

Today the unnamed cat endured her first bath. Shower, actually. She lay patiently under the running water. At first I thought she was having a heart attack because she was so calm, but it turns out she actually enjoys showers. She meowed once -- "for the sixth time in her existence [since joining the White family]," according to Kenzie. It was a mild reaction to the ice cold shampoo in her fur.

Afterwards Dad and Kenzie scooped the wax out of her ears using a grand total of eleven Q-tips. Kenzie was totally grossed out by the wax and asked me to finish disposing of all the used cotton swabs, a task that separates the seven-year-olds from the 23-year-olds.

Persistence

Naming the new cat has been a recurring topic of conversation over break. McKenzie likes names that sparkle, like Crystal, Diamond and Star. Cat hasn't responded to these names, but Kenzie insists that she does. If you squeeze any cat long enough, she'll start talking. I took her contributions into account when announcing the cat's official name at the dinner table last night.

"Gia has been named Giella Spotte Diamond White," I said.

"We mixed Gia and Ella because we liked both," McKenzie said. "But White Diamond sounds better."

Now I had to come up with an excuse besides 'I don't want my cat to sound like a porn star.'

"But then you'd have to change your last name to Diamond."

"Dad," McKenzie said, "can we change our last name to Diamond?"

Merry happy Christmas

Conversation overheard between Big Sister Morgan and McKenzie at grandparents' Christmas party, after Grandpa distributed cards with checks in them:

McKenzie: Do you have an account?

Morgan: Yes.

McKenzie: Then give your checks to Dad.

Conversations like these make me nostalgic for the days when money was just a gift we saved to spend on useful things like bicycles, pet tamugachis, and college.

Not a cat passing through the TSA x-ray machine

Also not "Why my cat refuses to fly."

Or "Catproof the electric sockets, like, now!"

Untitled by McKenzie White

Knowing what it's not, interpret at will.

Cat Sitter report, part 3

Cat recovered. Turns out she was hiding behind bed the whole time.

"When are you coming home? It feels like forever," McKenzie said.

Headed home now, with Key lime pie surprise!

this post brought to you by Robert is Here coconut-pineapple milkshakes, and astoundingly functional cell towers in the ghetto boonies.

Cat Sitter report, part 2

Just returned from kayaking daytrip. Kenzie et al not picking up phone. Hopefully cat has been recovered.

flag concerned.

Cat Sitter report

About to embark on kayaking adventure in Islamorada, so this post will be short and sweet.

McKenzie just called with an official cat sitter report. Sascha/Gia/Spotte got loose in the house. "I wanted to let you know, but DON'T tell Mom."

Hallelujah, the cat's alive.

Child labor

My friend Jessie invited me on a weekday weekend trip to Islamorada. No sane person would say no, so I asked her where and when, and I'd find a cat sitter for however long we'd be gone.

Given her love for the cat, McKenzie seemed like the ideal sitter. She hadn't left the feline alone longer than a minute to go to the bathroom (she'd sprint over and back with her pants around her ankles to reduce lag time). The cat would either hate me or really, really love me after a couple days over-cared for by lil sis while I'm soakng up the sun in the keys with my ATL BFF. Worth the risk.

"Kenzie," I said, "I need you to watch the cat. For two days."

Before she could object to responsibility, I continued with a list of rules for the cat sitter (ten or so variants of "don't sit on the cat") and asked her how it sounded.

"Sounds good," she said, patting the cat's ears back with such a heavy hand the residue-weight left poor creature's ears folded flush to her head.

"I'll pay you five dollars for the night. OK?"

Her lips pursed in efforts to conceal a smile.

"OK!"

The cat jumped out of her arms and scuttered under the table on the far side of the room.

I'll be counting on Mom and Dad to listen for any howls or shrieks coming from the East wing. Hoping everything will be OK.

Mom's perfect pet

The cat has been here two days and barely eats. She hasn't shat once yet.

Could have some correlation with 24-7 supervision by a seven-year-old.

Holiday homecoming

Arrived home late last night. Cat shivered (out of fear, not the brutal 75 degree florida winter) in the front seat. Mom saw past the strategically placed magazine atop the carrying case, and circled my car to the passenger side like a tiger sizing up its prey. She opened the car door and asked what on earth was in the box. I told her it was a cub. She said I was not funny. McKenzie begged me to take it out. I asked Mom if she was OK, because her eyes looked like they would pop out of her head any second. Dad appeared out of nowhere, so I passed the crate to him and the family accompanied them inside as I continued to unload the car.

As I duckwalked to the house with a week's worth of overpacked luggage, Mom greeted me at the front door. Thankfully her eyes had retreated fully back into her skull.

"Courtney," she said, "it's a cat."

"Yes, Mom, I know. You said no dogs."

"But it's a full grown cat."

"Yeah, it's used. She's really great, though."

"I just didn't think you'd get a fully grown one. She's really sweet. And so beautiful."

When I got to my room, a towel had already been laid out for cub's food and water bowl. Welcome to the family, Cat.

An exception to never say never

Mom specifically instructed us to never bring home "anything that eats or shits." I'd been planning on adopting a dog for awhile, but decided Mom would be less inclined to disown me if I brought home a cat instead. So I adopted a used cat. She's a two year old bengal, descended from the Asian leopard cat with her inordinately large paws for bird catching.

Kenz had wanted a kitten, so I plan on telling my little sis that she's a leopard cub. Hopefully that will make her laugh and help break the ice with Mom.

Wish me luck.